ten

(January 8)

I won’t miss you, I won’t think about you when you’re not here.  The words tumbled around in Leah’s mind, all square edged and bouncing like lies would be.

I won’t let this break my heart, she promised herself.  The rolling stopped – squares settled onto one side or the other, lies but at least lying still.

Leah arched her back as Sidney’s thumb brushed her clit.  She was still forced wide over his thighs as he worked his fingers deep.  He stroked again, buzzing her hot button, feeling her pussy twitch around the bulk of his fingers.  Leah sobbed out a breath. 

Sid watched her face carefully for clues to what she was thinking.  He knew what she was feeling – it was all over his hand.  Her desperation matched his own and they were way past the point of stopping.  It was only a question now of…

Leah grunted as Sid flicked his thumb.  Her whole body shuddered, the start of an orgasm she thought might be the death of her.  She grabbed Sidney’s hair and smashed her lips to his.  In one motion he lifted her off his thighs and put her right down on his cock.  She moaned into the kiss.  Sid had gotten off over her mouth and she’d almost come for his hand but there was nothing like being taken from inside.  He filled her up, sliding deep on the first stroke then packed another inch into her body until her ass rested against his thighs.  Every nerve ending fired at once – she rolled her hips against the pressure, only to double it back on herself.

“OhhhhGod,” she panted.

This had been on his list of fantasies: Leah is his lap, bouncing against his thighs, coming down harder each time until she fell apart in his arms.  He was always smoother in his mind.  Now Sid ground his teeth together against the tight squeeze of her pussy.  It wasn’t enough.  Her body swiveled and his vision started to lose focus. 

“I’m gonna…,” he gasped.

“It’s o…,” Leah started but Sid cut her off.  He used a foot to push the coffee table away from the couch.  With one arm around Leah’s waist he pushed through his legs, still buried inside her, and twisted them down onto the floor.  Leah was on her back underneath him and he was getting that last inch against before she knew what happened.

“…kay,” she giggled until it turned into a moan.  Her hips tilted, but it didn’t matter. Sid used all his weight, all his leverage, against the immobile surface to get deeper than ever.  There was no more room unless Sidney made room: either he was going through her or she was going through the floor.  Her body was like a bow string ready to snap.  He lifted her ass off the carpet, held her steady and thrust again. 

Leah buried her face in Sidney’s neck as she came.  It ripped from her body, one wave followed by another and another, as she clung to him.  Her toes and fingers curled, her stomach bowed and she whispered his name against his skin as it took her breath away. 

Sid pounded home one last time and stopped fighting.  He collapsed on top of Leah with his own incoherent mumble, flooding her with heat.  It rocked through him again and again until the orgasm beat itself dead.  Until they were a tangled mess of impossible circumstances on her living room floor.

“Leah,” he said, breath catching.

Her lips were close to his ear.  “Sid.”

____

“You should,” he said.  Somewhere halfway down his chest, he felt her giggling.

“Is that what you’re into?”

Sidney lifted his head.  Leah was on her back, her head against his ribcage like a pillow.  They’d made it to her bedroom and Sid had made it through an entire round with Leah in his lap, her legs around his waist.  Now she drew his arm across her stomach and tickled the sensitive inside of his wrist.

“You’re into it,” he insisted.  As with the living room, Leah had turned on every light before consenting to be ravished in bed.  She rolled onto her stomach and propped her chin just below his nipple.  His hand fell lazily into the hollow of her back, fingertips grazing the rise of her ass. 

“Who wouldn’t want to look at you?” she asked. 

Sidney knew he was attractive, or so girls said.  It didn’t mean much in hockey, because he wouldn’t get endorsements unless he played well.  Plenty of other guys got deals, even if he didn’t think they were handsome.  “Everyone must be sick of looking at me by now.”

Leah laughed and it vibrated through him, a warm purring noise that settled like liquid between his hips.  He’d be ready again so soon it was embarrassing.  It would also be embarrassing if she turned down the only fantasy request he’d been able to say out loud.

“Which mirror?” she asked.

He shrugged, as if suddenly he didn’t care.  “Doesn’t matter.”

Leah rolled her eyes.  For someone so famous and talented, Sid had a surprisingly fragile ego.  For someone so naked and willing, she had a surprising amount of power.  She hoisted herself on top of Sid, sore body struggling to straddle his thighs.  She let her hair swing low and pressed her front all along his.

“You know what that means?”

He had a pouty look on his face.  “What?”

“We try all of them.”

____

I love you, Sid thought.  He could have reached forward and written it in the fog along the side of the mirror, but he was busy holding Leah up on the edge of the bathroom counter.  Her knees were bent high and he watched in their reflection as his cock disappeared into her body again.  She leaned back, breasts bouncing, like he was in his own private movie.  The sound of their coming together was louder in the small space. 

“You do like to watch,” she said drowsily.

He thrust so hard her ass squeaked along the tile.  “Only you.”

Leah pulled a towel from the bar behind the door and shoved it under her, into the sink.  Then she lay down, Sid standing between her legs.  He lifted her feet onto each of his shoulders.  Leah reached for his hand and guided it between her legs, but instead Sid held her hand down.

“Touch yourself,” he said.  Leah flicked her clit, just above where Sid was losing himself inside her.  Every stroke game out glistening.  Her fingers worked quickly, the pleasure so obvious Sid could feel it quickening along his shaft.  He tweaked her nipples till they rolled like pebbles beneath his palm.  She made a small noise, deep in her throat that sounded like he felt.

Leah moved her hand faster.  Sid clenched his jaw and the tendon along his neck strained, one of so many muscles only he would have.  Her fingers were unnecessary, but Sid said he wanted to watch.  If he wanted to see her come hard – again – he’d get his wish.  Leah matched her stroke to his, letting both pleasures add to each other.

Sid had seen girls put on a show.  He’d seen them work hard to impress him, to be like whatever they thought guys wanted.  So he could tell that Leah wasn’t pretending.  She was getting off on him the good old-fashioned way, the way he had to earn and deliver.  She grunted softly as her fingers hit a mark and Sid got so hard his eye bulged.  The pressure made her pussy flutter.  The squeeze made him woozy.  Like dominoes falling in a row, they quickly took each other down till they were racing for the finish.

It wasn’t like before, when she almost blacked out.  When the orgasm was so strong she couldn’t feel anything else.  This time Leah felt release like a sigh and then the pulse of Sidney bursting inside her.  His soft moan confirmed the story.  She pushed up to sitting and reached for him just as he ran dry.

Sid opened one eye, just enough to see the reflection of Leah wrapped around him in the mirror.  On a night of wonders, it was the single best thing he’d seen.

___

“Should we talk about this?” he finally asked.  The room was dim – Leah had turned off two lights and they lay in semi-darkness, resting but refusing to sleep.  Giving in meant giving up the last few hours before tomorrow would force them apart.  Sid lay on his back, Leah naked and curled against his side.  He was in no hurry to go anywhere.

“Probably,” she said without moving.

Sid’s experience with relationships was limited.  If his actions spoke louder than words, Leah would know a whole lot more than he planned to tell her.  Still there were things he’d intended to say and they were still important.  “I didn’t come over here for this tonight.”

She laughed softly.  “You didn’t even make it in the front door.”

“I know!” he pinched her side, tickling her.  “You weren’t supposed to be wearing that dress.”

“That’s it?  The Great Sidney Crosby defeated by a single garment from Topshop?  Canada will not be impressed.”

“Har har,” he said.  “I came over to tell you that these last two weeks have been incredible, and that I’m really glad I met you.”

Leah put her head in her hand.  The sight of Sidney Crosby in bed was enough to kill a girl, but in her own bed in her own house – Leah would have to live with this every night from now on.  Thank God he was smiling.

“I’m glad I met you too, Sid.  Like I said that first night, you’re different than I expected.”  She stroked the indent along his ribcage.  “And uh… I’m glad you came over tonight.”

Sid broke into an enormous goober smile: he’d gotten away with it again.  He pulled Leah up to eye level then he kissed her as gently as he could manage in such a compromising position.  It quieted his thumping heart.  When he broke away, just barely, he looked Leah right in the eyes.  “I’m sorry I have to leave.”

She smiled sadly.  “Will we still be friends?”

“Of course!”

“You’re not going to forget about me?”

“I couldn’t forget about you.”

Leah gulped, one last question stuck in her throat.  “You’re not gonna wait for me though, right?  You’re not going to hide yourself away down there, holed up in your house and only coming out for hockey, pretending it’s for some good reason?”

Are you asking me to wait? he almost said.  Is that option on the table?

The waiting would kill us both, Leah knew.  “You need something besides hockey, Sid.  Someone to make you happy.  I hope you find it in Pittsburgh.”

He sighed.  Talking with a real, current girl about a hypothetical future girl seemed like a set up for failure.  “Me too,” he said honestly.

Leah kissed him, as softly as he’d kissed her.  For a moment it felt like goodbye, like writing “the end” on their story.  But like everything about them, it quickly deepened, growing hungry and urgent.  They had said all they could safely say – maybe even a little more.  Anything else would have to be implied.  Leah turned, facing away, and Sid worked his growing erection along the groove of her ass.  He held her close with a massive arm around her chest and his lips never left her skin.

Leah loved his strength – she didn’t have to do anything except let him do everything.  She felt almost guilty for how badly he wanted her.  Even when she was saying yes, it was really code for another no: No this could not last, no it would not happen again.  She bent her top knee and Sid caught her leg - holding it up, opening her.  He drove inside her without pause and Leah just said ‘yes’ again.

Sid took his time.  Every curve of Leah’s body was built to fit this way.  Her thigh was slender in his hand, he watched his fingers dent her flesh.  She turned her head and kissed him, off-center and messy, like she couldn’t wait a second longer.  When he was closer – damn her, it always happened too quickly – Sid dipped his hand between Leah’s legs and touched her the way she had touched herself.

“Oh fuck,” she panted, unable to see his victorious smile.

Leah couldn’t think under these conditions.  She couldn’t be smart and have resolve when Sid made it look so easy.  He manhandled her like she’d never known – he paid attention while fucking her!  How was that even possible?  His mouth came down against her ear.

“You feel so good,” he growled. 

Leah turned her face away, his mouth sliding along her neck, just to hide the tears in her eyes.  All she could do was whisper, “Sid.”

___

At some point they fell asleep.  The whole thing had been a dream, except that Sid woke tangled in sheets and still sticky.  Leah lay with one hand behind her head, the way she’d been when he barged into his guest room that morning.  Only now he was beside her.  He leaned over and kissed her lips.

“Morning,” he said.

Leah opened one eye.  She closed it and tried the other one.  At least she was crazy on both sides of her brain, it looked like she’d woken up next to Sidney Crosby.  She blinked and tried again – he was still there.  Dark hair stuck up all over the place, flawless skin disappeared into bedding at every horizon.  The bulk of his bicep pressed to her side was like sleeping against a submarine.  Those caramel-colored eyes watched her carefully.

“Jesus you’re beautiful,” she said.  Sid laughed and smiled all at once, perfect white teeth flashing.  He ducked his head, shy despite the setting.  “That is not helping!” She pulled a pillow over her head.

“You think I’m hot,” he giggled, which made him sound like a girl.  It set Leah off laughing and she swung her pillow, catching his square in the face.  Sid fell back dramatically, pulling Leah on top of his chest.

Weak winter sun made the room glow with a pale, bleached light.  Colors were not as sharp.  Leah’s eyes looked the washed blue of sea glass instead of their normal pop of turquoise.  Her curls were a tangled mess, falling around them.  The swell of her breasts was enough reminder that the rest of her naked body was hiding just below, waiting to absorb and obsess him again.

Sid was certain, in that moment, that no one else ever got to see her like this.

I love you.  Sid thought the words so hard that he had to fight to keep them in, like every orgasm he’d battled overnight.  She had to go first.  But she wouldn’t – he knew that.  Leah loved him in her way but it wasn’t this.  It wasn’t something to give up a life over, for someone that couldn’t even offer her a new life in return.  Pittsburgh and hockey were not the place for anything else he cared so much about.  Sid was scared that there wouldn’t be enough of him to go around, and Leah would always get the bad end of the deal.  So he bit his lip and swallowed three little words that tasted like medicine going down.

Leah knew two things: she was in love and she was in trouble.  Funny how things had a way of going exactly opposite of the plan.

“You’re staring…,” she started to joke, for lack of anything more comfortable to do.

Sid was past that.  He’d never been so comfortable with anyone in his whole life.  He brought Leah’s lips to his, paused for a second until she was looking right at him, then kissed her with his eyes wide open.  He kissed her until her eyelashes fluttered shut in pleasure, then he chased his own feeling of euphoria.  Leah swung a leg over his waist, sat up and worked against his lap until the need became solid between them.  Sid helped himself to her breasts, her hips, her hair.  When Leah leaned forward to kiss him, she slipped back right onto the tip of his dick.

“Mmmmm,” she purred because she’d never felt anything so good.

They made love the way they had the first time, only better.  This was what they’d each been hoping for after the morning in his guest room – a chance to tell the truth without any words getting in the way.  Leah ran her fingers through Sid’s hair, listened to the noises he made.  She gave him what he wanted, which was exactly what she wanted too.  Nothing more than minds and bodies, together, for as long as they could both last.

“Come with me,” he said, then gasped softly when he realized the words he’d used.  A damp curl stuck to his forehead, his eyes wide with the reflex of fear.  His heart beat itself bloody inside his chest.

“I… I mean….” 

Come home with me, he wanted to say, but this was home.  Her home. 

The words didn’t register with Leah until she saw Sid’s face.  Her reaction was an instant laugh.  “I know, Sid.  And you’d better come quick,” she teased.

Sid barely had time to be relieved – his body seized and Leah held on tighter till it rode through both of them, leaving ruin in every direction.  Sid pulled her down into his arms and rolled them onto their sides, still joined together.  He kissed her lips softly and closed his eyes.

Come with me, he thought over and over until he drifted off.

Leah knew Sid slept like the dead.  Only this time, instead of sneaking out she reached for her phone.  A quick text made for a lame sick day, but then she pulled the comforter over them and passed out in his arms.

____

Sidney didn’t know how they’d gotten out of bed.  He did remember the shower, where he’d made Leah sing to him.  Getting dressed had taken a few tries because he kept losing his cool at the sight of Leah pulling little bikini panties up over her ass.  The last few hours had been blissful, but now he was riding shotgun in her car with two hockey bags blocking the rear window and an ache in his stomach.

Leah watched the furrow in Sid’s brow deepen.  She wanted to tell him it was just nerves, that he’d feel better once he got to Pittsburgh.  She certainly hoped he would.  But misery loves company and Leah knew where she was headed as soon as she dropped Sid off.  She flipped on the radio to cover the silence.

Where there is desire there is gonna be a flame

Where there is a flame someone’s bound to get burned

But just because you’re burned doesn’t mean you’re gonna die

You’ve gotta get up and try, try, try…

Leah slapped the dial, cutting Pink off in mid-chorus.  Sid snickered weakly.  A minute later, the car tires bumped against the airport sidewalk curb.  Sid was already out of the car.  Before she could unbuckle her seat belt, he was at her side tapping on the window.

“I don’t get a goodbye?” he said loudly enough to be heard through the window.

Leah scrambled out.  Next to the car – next to anything normal sized and standing up – Sid looked larger than life again.  With a ball cap pulled down low and the collar of his jacket up he was even more imposing, except for the look on his face.  His eyes twinkled and the corner of his scandalous mouth curled.

“What?” she asked.

“Wait for it.”

She didn’t last a second, but smacked him on the chest.  “What?!”

“I’m going to kiss you in front of all these people. I’m hoping someone recognizes me first.”

He wasn’t kidding about kissing her or caring if anyone saw.  Sid felt scared and reckless, the sex-and-death reflex activated by fear.  This was it.  He’d get on that plane and get into Pittsburgh, into the locker room and his life and there would be no more time for this.  No room to pine over a girl twelve hundred miles away.  He’d gotten more than he ever could have dreamed out of Leah and now he needed a clean break, or he’d be living off that same supply all year.  That meant leaving it here on the asphalt in the winter air outside the Halifax airport on a Tuesday afternoon. 

“Sid….” The blood drained from Leah’s face. 

He told their favorite lie.  “I won’t.  I promise.”

The second their lips touched, his arms easily lifted her off the ground.  Leah held the back of his neck.  She did everything but wrap her legs around his waist, and then only because their winter coats were in the way.  She poured every second of the last twelve days into that kiss – the good moments, the bad ones, the ones that were themselves closer than kisses.  It was sex in a kiss, goodbye in a kiss.  It lasted so long that cars started honking.

They broke apart laughing and smiling, both thinking that’s the way they wanted to remember each other.

___

In the airport, Sid treated himself to a soda and sat down facing the windows.  The same light that had shown him Leah that morning now poured into the terminal, illuminating every messy bit of leaving going on around him.  A sip of sugary bubbles zipped through his system like new energy.  Like Leah’s kiss.  Sid took a deep breath and resigned to move on.  He’d gotten Leah in the end – that counted for something.  Judging from the way she’d responded, it wasn’t the only thing he knew how to do.  Sid felt confident a way that fit tightly, like a new pair of hockey gloves.  It would need to be broken in before it could be played.  It needed a little time. 

Then his phone buzzed.  Sid nearly dropped his drink scrambling for it.  If she came back I will run out of this terminal and….  It was a text from his sister.

Taylor: You’re an fool.

“I know,” he said out loud.  It buzzed again.

Taylor: Say hi to Nealer for me.

____